Many couples complain about having problems communicating or having lost intimacy over time.
Top Three is a communication exercise for couples to learn how to communicate about their experiences and learn about their partner. Top Three is an awareness and mindfulness exercise for self to increase presence.
The goal of Top Three is to be more aware of experience as it is happening and be able to communicate about that to your partner.
These are the rules (adapt to your style as you want):
- Use something to record – for example – small pad that fits in pocket, piece of paper, notepad on digital phone or pad. Again, there are no rules, except recognizing the experiences and sharing.
- Try to be aware all day long of experiences that impact you or you notice that are experienced through your senses: see, hear, smell, taste, touch or feel on the skin
- At the end of day review and decide on your top three. No order required but you must edit to no more than three
- If you only have one, then work towards getting three each day. Eventually, you should have many more, but focus at the end of the day on your top three.
- Meet with your partner once a day, usually towards the end and mutually share your experience.
Can you challenge yourselves to do this for 30 days in a row? Can you focus on communicating your experience? Can you focus on really listening to your partner’s Top Three?
Have fun and enhance every day with this mindfulness exercise in being more present in your life and connecting with your partner
Stephen has a Masters in Social Work from Smith College School and has practiced as an executive of non-profits, a coach and as a licensed professional for over 30 years. He is currently licensed in Maine. In California and over the web, he provides services of coaching, consultation, education and training for couples, divorced co-parents, and for individuals and families. He uses a range of approaches including a focus on behavior, presence, mindfulness, and cognition. The focus is on change: how to find new direction and get different results.
